Grief and Despair
by mateguy3
Summary: What if Kamito didn't lose his memories after Volume 11?
**Disclaimer: I do not own Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance or any of its characters.**

 **Grief and Despair**

 _"A final farewell, Kamito."_

Kamito suddenly woke up from his slumber. He felt something wet on his face, it took him a few seconds to realize he was crying.

"Why am I..." Kamito silently said to himself. He remembered the words from his dream. ' _A final farewell, Kamito'_ The words were repeating in his mind. He felt broken, but he didn't know why.

"Why... Am I this sad?"

Everytime the sentence was repeating in his mind, his chest was tightening and beginning to hurt. Along with the sentence repeating in his mind, the name Restia was popping up.

"Res... tia...?" Kamito muttered to himself, it was more of a question than anything else. The fact that he was crying didn't help solving the mistery inside his own mind.

"I'l go sleep, maybe that would solve it..." Kamito thought that if he were to go sleep it would help him. But never did he expect that all of his questions would be answered by him going back to sleep...

 _Kamito was staring wide-eyed at Restia's crying face... Questions were popping up in his mind. Why did she do it? Is it my fault?_

 _But he muttered only one word..._

 _"...W-W... HY..." It was barely audible, but she heard it..._

 _"It's very simple, Kamito..." Restia muttered, she was breathing very feebly._

 _"... Once Ren Ashdoll's will no longer exists... You will no longer be the Demon King. That's why..."_

 _Tears were gathering in Kamito's eyes, he didn't want it to happen... He didn't want her to die... He would even announce to the whole world he was the Demon King if he was able to stay with her. He wouldn't even care if people hated him, tried to kill him... If she would stay with him forever..._

 _"N-No... Restia..."_

 _"A final farewell, Kamito." Restia's lips formed into a smile, a heartwarming smile... Just before dissapearing..._

 _"NOOO! RESTIA? RESTIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Kamito screamed with all the power he had. His scream echoed through the endless corridors..._

"RESTIAAAA!" Kamito screamed from the top of his lungs. He understood now, he understood why he felt so broken...

Tears were sliding down his face, the sheets were getting wet from his neverending tears of sadness... He was gripping the sheets with all of his force.

He forced to look at the back of his left hand. Nothing was there. Nothing... This only meant his true fear became a reality. Out of all the things that could have happened, this was the last thing he didn't want to happen, but it happened... It got confirmed by the nothingness on his left hand...

"... N-No... Why..."

His heart broke into a million pieces. She was gone, gone forever... She died protecting him.

Kamito was like a statue, he didn't even twitch. He didn't stop staring at his left hand. Only his extremely slow breathing could be heard in the room. The tears didn't stop falling, as he remembered all the time spent with Restia...

...

Claire was walking through the halls of the academy, intending to go see Kamito. She was very worried about Kamito, he didn't wake up since they left the True Sanctuary a week ago. Truth be told, she was even more worried about his state of mind... She couldn't remove Kamito's scream in the True Sanctuary from her mind...

She arrived at the door of Kamito's room. 'I hope you are awake...'

She slowly opened the door to find Kamito awake still staying on the bed. She was very happy. But... Her happiness dissapeared the moment she looked at his face, then in his eyes... All she saw in his eyes was nothing, an endless nothingness...

She was still standing in the doorway, staring wide-eyed at Kamito. One part of her was so happy that he has finally awoken. The other part of her was feeling sad after seeing the look on Kamito's face, and also his black eyes which should be lively... Are now empty...

She slowly approached Kamito, he still didn't even move or twitch as she made her way towards him. She arrived at the side of the bed, Kamito still made no movements. But she saw that he was staring at something. She adverted her eyes to what she believed he was staring at. She stoped looking once it reached his left hand...

She didn't know why he was staring at his left hand, she only knew that he was always wearing a leather glove on his left hand. She also remembered seeing something on his left hand when fighting with Rubia, it was a seal. She gasped after she realized... 'It must have been that Darkness's Spirit seal...'

But she saw nothing on his left hand, the seal wasn't there. 'Wait... If the seal isn't there then that means...' She adverted her eyes from his left hand to look at his face. She saw something she didn't see when she looked at his face earlier, tears were slowly sliding down his face, his eyes still looking at his left hand.

She tried to bring him out of his trance. She tried nudging him, waving his hand in front of him, she even tried punching him on the side. But it didn't work, he made no movement, nothing, his eyes were still focused on his left hand. He was like a statue, that's how Claire described him.

'He must be hurting because he lost that Darkness Spirit...' Claire pitied him at this moment. Kamito, who was once The Strongest Blade Dancer is in pain from the loss of his contracted spirit. Claire knew how much it hurts to lose someone close to you, someone you love. But she never acted like how Kamito acts now.

'Is that Darkness Spirit that important to him?' Claire still coudn't believe her eyes, the loss of that Darkness Spirit makes Kamito like this...

Claire left the room without saying anything, she wanted to speak with the Headmistress about this. She also intends to bring her friends.

...

Claire and the rest of the team, except Kamito. Were staying infront of Greywort's desk.

"What brings all of you here?" Greyworth asked the girls.

Claire then proceeded to tell about Kamito's condition. Everyone was shocked at what they were hearing from Claire. Kamito acting like that is a surprise to the girls, except the Headmistress.

"Oh well, the first time he lost her wasn't this bad..." The Headmistress said after a long silence.

"The first time he lost her?" Ellis asked the Headmistress with worry and confusion.

"Yes. The lad once lost the Darkness Spirit before. But it wasn't as bad as now... He had the seal of the contract on his hand the first time he lost her though. And for what you told me Claire, it isn't on his left hand anymore..." Greyworth said, worry was evident in her eyes.

"What seal of contract? Est is Kamito's only contracted spirit, right?" Rinslet asked in confusion. The other girls were as confused as Rinslet is, Claire was the only one who wasn't that confused, considering she knows some secrets about Kamito that the other girls don't know. But it was strange that the girls didn't react about the seal when Claire said about it.

"She is now. Kamito had the seal of that Darkness Spirit on his left hand." Greyworth explained.

"But I didn't see any seal on his left hand!" Ellis said in confusion.

"Didn't you notice that he was always wearing a glove on his left hand?" Claire said, she was very irritated that her friends didn't notice the glove. Well, she never did notice either, she just remembered when she was in Kamito's room.

"But why would he hide the contract?" Rinslet asked then tilted her head to the side.

"Maybe so people won't know that he has two contracts?" Ellis spoke.

"That's the first reason." The Headmistress said, she also narrowed her eyes a little.

"And the second?" Ellis raised an eyebrow after asking.

"Everything you hear here, will stay in here. If you aren't able to do this then I won't tell anything. Okay Rinslet, Ellis?" Greyworth said.

"Why only us?" Rinslet and Ellis said in unison.

"Because Fianna and Claire know the secret already." Greyworth said nonchalantly.

"They know?" Rinslet and Ellis said then looked at Fianna and Claire, they nodded.

"So what's the secret anyway?" Rinslet said in a bored tone.

"That Darkness Spirit is the Vorpal Sword, and the seal is very popular you know? Everyone knows how the seal of _Ren Asbell_ looks." Greyworth said with a smirk, she also accentuated the name of the Strongest Blade Dancer.

"WAIT WHAT?" Rinslet and Ellis said in unison, their eyes were wide open. Claire and Fianna were very calm.

"Yes. The lad is Ren Ashbell from three years ago, and he is also the one who freed Iseria, the Water Elemental Lord." Greyworth spoke with a serious voice.

"Then that means..." Rinslet said with a shaky voice, still not believing what the Headmistress said.

"It means I disrespected my idol! I'm such a fool!" Ellis yelled.

After a few minutes the girls calmed down.

"What does this have to do with Kamito's condition?" Claire spoke, breaking the long silence.

"Do any of you know of Kamito's past with the Darkness Spirit?" Greyworth asked the girls with a serious voice.

"I do, he told me. I don't know if it is everything though..." Claire responded in a low voice.

"Then I will explain, I know everything about Kamito's past. Oh, and this also remains in this room." Greyworth explained everything about Kamito.

The girls were shocked at what they have heard from the Headmistress. They were more shocked that Kamito tried to assassinate her just to free Restia from the Ring of Solomon.

"And how does this help us?" Rinslet said in a serious voice.

Greyworth facepalmed. This girls didn't yet understand Kamito's feelings towards the Darkness Spirit. "Can't you tell what that Darkness Spirit is to the lad?"

"His contracted spirit, what else?" Ellis said confused.

"Yeah, what else?" Rinslet said, she was as confused as Ellis was.

Greyworth facepalmed once again. She then sighed. When Greyworth was about to say something, Claire interrupted.

"Wait, don't tell me... Kamito loves that Darkness Sprit!?" Claire widdened her eyes at what she just said. It also explained why Kamito acts like this. The girls gasped after hearing that.

"Very much, Kamito's only reason of why he joined the Blade Dance. Both this one and the one before, just because of his feelings towards the Darkness Spirit." Greyworth said to the shocked girls.

'And I thought I know how it feels to lose someone close... Rubia-nee-sama...'

 ***Meanwhile in Kamito's room***

Kamito was in his mind, remembering the time when he said his true feelings...

 _"Our training will end today."_

 _"What!?" Kamito stood there eyes wide and mouth wide open._

 _"There is nothing that I can teach you anymore." The girl smiled as if saying that it's okay, but her eyes said otherwise. Her dusk colored eyes were filled with sorrow._

 _"No, I don't want too. I hate this..." Kamito muttered while looking at the ground._

 _"Kamito?"_

 _Kamito raised his head. "You have to stay by my side! Forever by my side because I lo-" Kamito covered his mouth with his hands as he was about to finish._

 _Saying that Restia is shocked, must be an understatement. She just witnessed Kamito, who was always acting cold with her, say his true feelings._

 _"Uh, well... I-" Kamito was interrupted by a soft and wet sensation on his lips. Restia disengaged from the kiss, looking at the very shocked and surprised Kamito. She swore she saw happiness in Kamito's eyes for a moment._

 _"Remember this, the kiss of our contract." Restia smiled at Kamito._

Kamito smiled after remembering how happy he was when Restia kissed him. But his smile dissapeared once he realized that he won't be able to do this anymore... Tears formed once again...

"Not anymore..." Kamito muttered to himself.

Kamito remembered once again her last words... He wasn't going to hear her voice anymore, he wasn't going to see her anymore... Not anymore...

 _"A final farewell, Kamito."_

Kamito remembered her smile when saying those words, her hertbreaking smile, her teary eyes full of sorrow...

...

Claire was going to check on Kamito again, to see if he is back to normal.

'That would be impossible now, right?'

Claire opened the door to Kamito's room, just to see him still looking at his left hand...

Claire got closer to the bed, she pulled the chair from the table and decided to sit. She was very worried about Kamito, but her chest was hurting everytime she was thinking about Kamito and his interactions with the Darkness Spirit.

Claire looked at Kamito. His eyes were red, probably from the crying, but they still were as empty as before...

Claire then saw Kamito's lips move...

"A finall farewell, Restia... I love you..." It was barely audible, but Claire heard it well. She wasn't that shocked, considering that she heard about Kamito's feelings towards the Darkness Spirit from the Headmistress. But it still made her chest hurt...

"I love you... Never forget that, Restia..."

 **Author's notes: This is my second one-shot, I don't know if it is heartbreaking or not for you, but still... Anyway, about the other story, I will update it soon enough, maybe after two days or so? I decided to write this one-shot because it was on my mind, and I can't think that clearly about the other story if I have this always on my mind. That is why I decided to write it! That is all for now, bye.**


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